#98: If I could look away, I would

Plus six things I loved in January

I spent half of January across the globe in Thailand, indulging in spicy curries and passion fruit smoothies and a daily dip in the Airbnb pool.

I felt like I was in a more wholesome version of Love Island

It was an incredible trip, but my mind kept flicking toward reality like a moth to a flame: the inauguration, the shit show that followed, the endless burn of the machine. Even in the bright distraction of vacation, I felt this intense responsibility to stay informed, to hold the horrors rather than turn away.

I flicked through awful headlines and grave infographics and argumentative Reddit threads, slipping between paradise and reality with the grace of a fawn taking its first step. All that to say: I’m standing, but my knees are shaky.

I’ve found comfort in something Wendy MacNaughton wrote in her newsletter last November (right after the election, of course):

“Artists are emotional first responders. Drawing—along with all hands-on creative acts—are a purposeful, powerful, creative outlet for all the outrage, fear, anger and sadness that’s to come. It brings us together and turns overwhelm into focus. It transforms paralysis into creativity. It turns fear into curiosity. It creates care.”

I come back to this sentiment when writing and drawing feel frivolous. I remind myself how much other artists’ work serves as a life raft in rough waters. I hope I can provide some of that to you through the grand fuckery of it all.

On to something a little lighter. Typically I put my monthly recaps behind a paywall, but today I’m sending it out to everyone. I hope you enjoy.

Here are six things I loved this January:

1. A wild, can’t-look-away movie: Strange Darling

I watched Strange Darling on a recent flight because it was provided through American Airline’s in-flight entertainment and oh my GOD it 100% should not have been lol (I kept cupping my hands around my screen to protect my seat mates from the sheer violence and intimacy). But I loved it so much! A serial killer plot told in a non-linear timeline with a fantastic soundtrack? YES!

2. An inbox must: Letters From an American

Speaking of life rafts in uncertain waters!!! Heather Cox Richardson’s newsletter distills the complexities of current events (and their historical connotations) in such a digestible, no-frills, and sincere manner. Much needed in a world of very sensationalized headlines.

3. A perfect cafe in Chang Mai: Monday Attack

Gideon and I stumbled upon this coffee spot while walking around one afternoon on our Thailand trip. Punchy music played over an impressive speaker system, art and mirrors hung from the walls, and after taking bites of the soft serve I ordered, we looked at each other and just said, “Whoa.” Gid even bought a t-shirt, which he appropriately wore to work the first Monday he was back.

4. A heart-wrenching novel: Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors

This book zooms in on sibling dynamics, grief, and what it means to show up for the people you know best (for better or worse). In it three sisters reunite in New York City on the one-year anniversary of their fourth sister’s passing. I teared up and giggled and felt the massiveness and unconditionality of my love for my own siblings bubble up while reading. Coco Mellors, I adore you! This opening passage alone had me by the throat:

5. A perfect flavor: Passion fruit

Preferably fresh and in everything: smoothies, yogurt, açaí bowls, gutted and mixed with cubed papaya.

6. A song that makes me cry: “Triple Dog Dare” by Lucy Dacus

Best listened to on a plane while staring out the window. I don’t make the rules.

Don’t think I forgot the February wallpapers! Here they are (another paid perk I’m offering to everyone this month). The theme is love, can you believe?

That’s all for now. Sending you love and levity and a good belly laugh.