#77: Just a body

A few months ago, I noticed a wrinkle on my forehead.

It immediately reminded me of a habit I developed in sixth grade, when I’d purposefully crease my brow as a feeble attempt to hide the spattering of acne above my eyebrows. 

Though these two instances aren’t necessarily a cause-and-effect relationship, I felt a pang of sadness at just how many years I’d spent scrutinizing my face for flaws.

There’s a similar history across the entirety of my body.

When I turned thirty last year, I had opposing expectations. On one hand, I recalled a comedy special I’d seen in my early twenties, where the comedian joked about her aging body. 

But on the other hand, I’ve felt a sense of arrival in my body in my thirties.

This arrival has not come without its hitches.

I’m not always happy with these changes. But I’m trying to change the way I approach them. Instead of scrutinizing, I’m trying to just notice. 

And once I’ve noticed, I bring my attention elsewhere. 

Mostly, I just want to be grateful for what my body allows me to do.

Body image remains a tough topic to write about after years of struggling with it. I feel closer and closer to a neutral relationship with it, but the journey is not always linear. Thank you for reading, and for making this newsletter such a safe space to talk about things candidly. 

Sending you all love!

PS: Reminder that I will be speaking at Queens University in Charlotte, NC this coming Thursday! The event is open to the public and tickets are free. Can’t wait to see you there!